Mouse Suicide Shocks Library Staff


(PORTLAND) Early reports indicate that a mouse found on the third floor of the Portland Public Library may have ended its own life. The alleged suicide shocked and saddened mouse user and AmeriCorps volunteer Shannon Doyle.

Doyle, 24, stated that she was staring off into space and absent-mindedly pushing the mouse around the royal blue mouse pad when she suddenly felt the mouse disappear from beneath her fingertips. Startled, she looked over just in time to see the tiny mouse crash to the gaudy red-orange carpet, and lay there, motionless.

Investigators have found evidence that the mouse had been feeling pressured at work because of the absence of a scroll wheel. This, coupled with feelings of inadequacy at home due its outdated, asymmetric design and performance anxiety from Stick Mouse Ball Syndrome, may have been enough to push the mouse over the proverbial, and literal, edge.

"I should have seen it coming," said Doyle. "The mouse pad is right at the edge of the table. But you just never think it will happen to an external device that you know. "The mouse, which was reportedly assembled in Malaysia, had no known relatives or friends.

"No one really knew the mouse very well- it hardly ever left its pad," said the Eldon Office Products Tape Dispenser. Complete autopsy reports have not been released.